Are you spiritual or do you roll your eyes at the word? What does spiritual even mean? Here is one working mom’s discovery of her spirituality, how she lives each day, and whether she’s related to Harry Potter.
Courtney (name changed)
I’m a glass of wine up right now, so let’s just hope for the best here.
At least this isn’t live.
K, I don’t want to start it off too formal (I’m pretty sure the wine reference prohibits that anyway) because I still picture you as a teenager. So I’ll just start by saying this: “I don’t ever remember you being spiritual.”
People who knew me two years ago would say the same thing. Most people who know me today probably would too. I’m not knocking on doors about it.
Most of my readers/followers [on her blog, Sunveiling] are strangers that have found me and don’t know me personally.
Do you feel safer being spiritual in front of strangers?
Definitely. It took a while to even come out of the spiritual closet to strangers. Of course, I don’t care what people who don’t know me think; but it’s not same with personal acquaintances, family friends, parents from my kids’ school…
As much as I might say that people’s opinions don’t matter, there’s still a part of me that protects myself and my family. My personally held beliefs come with a cultural stigma.
What are those beliefs?
That we are all one. That imposed divides such as borders, religion, and political parties are man-made. That kind of indoctrination no longer resonates with me. We are here to overcome these things, not subscribe to them.
What does that mean–we are here?
I believe every moment of our lives has but one purpose, which is to realize the truth about ourselves.
Acceptance and gratitude follow; every experience becomes richly interwoven. Every person is sacred and accepted for exactly how they are. You begin to see every living thing as part of this network.
This is acceptance, oneness.
So what needs to change?
Well, nothing “needs to change.” I do have a deep faith that all is unfolding as it needs to lead us to where we need to be.
But…if I were to envision a utopian society, it would be free from that which divides. I would love for everyone to live their truth without fear. If each of us did this, naturally we would allow others to do the same.
So, say for the guy who works 80 hours a week or the mom who is going nuts with her kids all day, how does one do that? How do we live differently?
It’s hard for me to say what the answers are for others…
What does it mean for you?
Most people are operating out of fear. For me, it’s about detaching from limited thinking. It’s being in an 80-hour work week that you hate because you have to pay the bills, but thinking of following your dream to write a children’s book. For me, it’s about surrendering to the “what if’s” and overcoming fear.
Right, so that writer/dreamer decides one to day to bring his laptop to Starbucks on his lunch hour and start a draft…then he joins an online writers group and is scared cuz he doesn’t know how to “chat” online but he does, and then he finishes is draft and has someone read it and critique it…then he starts calling himself a writer…( I am not talking about myself here.)
How do you think we’re conditioned to be scared to fail?
I don’t think your guidance/instincts/intuition/heart (whatever u want to call it) ever lead you astray. It’s our minds/egos that wrap themselves into the fear. That’s never the heart.
We have been conditioned so deeply, I don’t think most of us even know we are conditioned. We are part of a culture that begins to program us at birth. This is why detachment from that is called “awakening.” It leads us back to the heart. When people rip off whatever label has been attached to them, they are simply left with…themselves. Their truth.
When/why did you start to have these changes of thought?
It began when I was pregnant. I was having a horrible pregnancy–morning sickness, mood swings… I was really just pissed off, and my anger was manifesting itself into a grueling pregnancy.
So, always being open to alternative medicine, I decided to try acupuncture to decompress. Well, it worked after the first treatment. I felt different, so I went back. I can’t remember if it was in the 2nd or 3rd session that I had a full-blown spiritual experience.
What was the experience like?
I just felt a presence, a lightness. I felt a light come into me. Physically, I felt warmth and…something else that I cannot define with words. My best attempt would be to describe it as a different kind of density–very light and elastic.
Then, my (closed) eyes started to overflow with tears. It was a release or purging of some sort. Although tears were running down the side of my face, I was not crying. I was very detached from any kind of emotion (good or bad). I felt like a witness. Although I did not know what was happening, I completely trusted in it.
A few seconds later, my mind began racing with the need to define WTH was happening. The more my mind weighed in, the faster the experience started to subside. Toward its end, I realized how unique and special the experience was. Then I began to cry, really cry, out of pure humility and love and wonder. And, for the first time in my pregnancy (maybe even in my life) I felt whole gratitude and most of all, this CONNECTION.
Not only did all the pre-partum symptoms stop from that moment on, but I moved forward in the pregnancy (and life) with this new outlook on the gifts we are given. Something opened within me.
I’ve never written about this before…it feels good.
So what do you say to the eye-rollers right now?
Haha. It’s okay. It’s my truth. And my truth has led me to a happier, peaceful, more complete place than I’ve ever been, so roll away…
It’s hard to talk about being peaceful and spiritual when all hell is breaking loose in my house right now. I’m listening to my husband upstairs trying to control it.
Do you think your own experience has anything to do with the wider world? Are you part of a bigger spiritual movement?
I do believe that people are becoming more “spiritual.” There’s a HUGE community of like-minded people that are experiencing the same kind of quest for truth. It’s why I started Sunveiling. Because most people in my day-to-day life don’t get me at all. LOL
Speaking of, what does your husband think of all this?
He calls me a wizard and usually makes Harry Potter references. But, joking aside, he’s extreeeemely supportive. He credits me with a lot of his growth and healing and he’s very proud of how our kids are being raised to be free-thinkers.
We just want to make our home be a place of truth, freedom, acceptance, and love…how we want the world to be, right?
What do you do to maintain all this–what is your “spiritual” schedule like? Do you meditate every day?
I SHOULD meditate every day. When I do, I find that life runs smoother, I feel more connected. I do believe it’s important to have a practice–whatever it is. I should be more disciplined, but I’m a mom. I run my own business out of my home, I can’t keep up with laundry or grocery shopping…
What I always do is pay attention. This sounds weird, but I always am conscious to be “the observer.”
In what way? Of other people? Your own feelings?
In every way. Again, I view this as detachment. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I observe how it makes me feel. I separate myself from it to learn about myself. I know I sound like a complete nerd right now, but I think, “Why does this make you angry?”
You’ve always been a nerd. But it’s a special club.
Courtney (Ignoring me)
“Will I allow this ego-hit to effect how I interact with the next person that I encounter?”
I like that–not only reflecting on that instance, but how it will affect how you relate to the NEXT person.
I ALWAYS ask myself, “What is this meant to teach you?”
When we dismiss the labels–what is correct vs. incorrect / what is a good moment vs. a bad moment–we become free to interpret every experience, every thought and every person as a teacher. You begin to see everything as part of this almighty network.
Is that almighty with a lower case “a”?
Capital. Definitely capital. I believe in an orchestration of synchronicity in this universe. It’s a magical place, especially if you believe magic.
See, Harry Potter. There I go again.
Do you mean Almighty as Christians refer to it, as in God, or just a sense that there’s something larger than us?
Again, words are what divide us. I have a good friend that is a reborn Christian and very open-minded, so we talk a lot.
At first glance, you’d think that our views couldn’t be more polarized. However, the more we talk, the more we realize that if we just bend our vocabularies a little, we actually are pretty much on the same page.
And to answer your question, I refer to “God” as source energy. Our creator, yes. An anthropomorphic man in the clouds? No.
Love, love that point. Work to find the similarities…talk about it, etc. I’m a bit brain dead right now so I’m not being as eloquent as you are. (It’s a good thing I’m writing the blog–I can make myself sound smarter later.)
I’m being eloquent?!?!?! I feel like I’m doing a horrible job trying to answer these questions.
I’m the brain-dead one. Maybe you are.
Good luck w/ it. Let me know if you need clarification at any time. I’ll be in NY this weekend…at a wizard convention.
Please wear a purple pointy hat for me and take a picture for this post.
[She did not fulfill my request.]